My father, who had been battling chronic diseases

My father, who had been battling chronic diseases for a long time, went in and out of the intensive care unit and ward two months ago due to pneumonia, but he was preparing to some extent because it was pneumonia of old age. And on Friday morning of last week, my father left us and died in heaven.

Like most fathers of our age, my father has rarely shown his children a fat appearance. The occasional words were, "Study hard and get along with your friends," and maybe that's why I looked back on memories with my father after the funeral, but sadly, I didn't remember much. Graduation ceremonies in school days and not many family trips.

My father was born in the mountains of Gyeongsangnam-do, the second son of a very poor family. He often talks about poverty at that time in newspapers or broadcasts, but it never reaches his own experience as my father told me. It is said that the only property of the house was a small field at the foot of the mountain, and that the field always cultivated potatoes and sweet potatoes with high yield. When I visited my father's hometown to weed, I used to pass by the field, and I wonder how a family could make a living with this small field. My father and uncle never ate potatoes and sweet potatoes well and loved rice, perhaps because of the experience of eating so much to escape hunger as a child.

After graduating from elementary school, my father had no way to pay for tuition, so he could not go to middle school for several years. Then, when he heard that entering middle school as the top student would be exempted from tuition, he was able to enter middle school by memorizing the entire Dong-A Department. I remember when I was in elementary school, he told me that the Dong-A Department was my father's benefactor. Even after that, my father had no choice but to choose the path of a scholarship. Although the grades were sufficient to go to prestigious Gyeongbuk or Gyeongnam High School when I entered high school, I had no choice but to go to a teacher's school that was exempted from tuition and provided living expenses, and the university had no choice but to provide scholarships. Perhaps that's why he never showed me a good side, but I remember that when I passed the university, which was his dream, he was more happy with a brighter expression than ever.

It is said that the meeting with his mother was not so smooth. When the marriage came and went with his mother, who was the youngest daughter of a rich family, there was a lot of opposition from his maternal uncles and uncles that the family was too poor, but he pushed for the marriage based on his grandmother's personality. Perhaps because of that gratitude, my father was willing to take on the role of de facto resident on behalf of my uncles whose circumstances were difficult when my maternal grandmother passed away.

We didn't have much conversation, but my father sincerely apologized to me at the beginning of the disease. He was afraid to spend money because he had a difficult time growing up, so I think he emphasized saving too much to my brother. I'm sorry that I realized it when I got older even though I could have lived more leisurely. However, I never thought I lacked pocket money in school.

I don't think I've had a proper conversation with my father since my cognitive ability has declined a lot due to a long illness. Two months before my father was hospitalized for pneumonia, I wanted to talk for a while with a clear mind, but that wish didn't come true in the end. I wanted to tell you that I really love you and respect you, but I'm very sorry that you didn't hear that and died in heaven.

Rest in peace, father. I love and respect you a lot.

#I love you